It’s a kid’s birthday, I’ll pass….

I’m currently sitting on a hard as a rock bleacher watching my youngest at a gym for a gymnastic party he was invited to for a class mate. The “gym” is in what looks to be a carport with sides….and was about a 40 minute drive.  This is completely practical considering it’s for a 7 year old on a Saturday night from 7 to 9 PM, in December when it is pitch black. This wouldn’t be bad if it weren’t Ohio and deer are EVERYWHERE! I had a massive buck (that is a male deer for all my NYC and LA friends) dart out in front of me last week. I have been in a vehicle on 3 separate occasions when we’ve been hit by deer, one of the times on my father’s motorcycle.

Despite the time of evening, I sometimes look forward to taking the boys to birthdays because I can bring my computer, work on my blog or books. I noticed the birthday boy’s parents were considerably chatty so I made it a point to take the bleacher to the very top as a message of “please leave me alone this is my alone time.”

5 minutes later the father is following me up for an additional meet and greet. ‘Oh I’m sorry, it was supposed to end at my name is so-so, nice to meet you.’ Nope. I got to hear the history of why they had a party 40 minutes away in the middle of no where.

“Ok, line up!” I heard a teen say to the boys. I gathered he was the cruise director here. He had bleached his hair white, shaved it on both sides and wore it in a pompadour with a blue tint at the tips. He clearly didn’t want to be there yet he needed someway to pay for his ticket to NYC for acting.

The 6 children lined up. Suddenly the birthday boy’s mom stood up. ‘Fuck’, I thought. I knew what came next. In a helium high voice she turned to all the parents and declared “C’mon! Parents can join in too!”

No, no, I don’t want to join. This is my sole alone time that I get to veg and write. I have been to gymnastic parties before and they have always been kids only. Why mess with perfection?

I declined the invite 30 minutes ago to participate and have been feeling like an ass hole ever since. For the past 30 minutes, more parents have got up, taken their shoes off and joined in. I want to scream “STAY WITH ME PEEPS! WE MUST STAY UNITED HERE. If those kids see any weakness we will all be out there before you know it doing a Bruce Jenner.

Stay tuned…….



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