Family · Ridiculousness

Easiest Way on Earth to Cook Bacon

Let me preface this by saying I am not a good cook and this will NOT be a cooking blog. My credentials as a crappy cook were sealed when I used a graham cracker crust to make my first quiche. If I didn’t have my mother in law to guide me, I would still be selecting chickens still when indeed, I wanted a turkey for Thanksgiving.

And now for the story…..

“Step away from the bacon gentlemen,” I said as I held an 8″x 11″ bag of bacon in front of my sons.

“Listen up fellas’. This is bacon. For $11.81 I managed to get 72 strips of it at Sams. We need to be responsible and pace ourselves with the bacon.”

They caulked their heads to one side, clearly perplexed as to why we weren’t already frying it up.

“What I’m saying is this entire family are a bunch of bacon addicts. These are already cooked, you just pop it in the microwave for 20 seconds.”

They looked at me as if I had just told them Santa is their grandfather. I had to squash their hopes.

“We can’t be binging on bacon till 2 am. We need to pace ourselves,” I continued.

I had this vision of my sons sitting around a 70’s coffee table, having not slept for 48 hours, slicing up the bacon with their library cards, making it easier to get in their mouths. The soundtrack from Boogie Nights would be playing in the background and oh, is that a macrame owl hanging over there?

Truth of the matter was, I think I was trying to talk myself into not bacon binging. Let me be crystal clear, I FUCKING LOVE BACON. I crumble it on soups, salads, eat it on pizza, wrap my meat in it, the list is too numerous to mention. I would probably roll around in it if it wouldn’t cause acne.

A few years ago my mother in law taught me a completely new way to cook this food of the Gods. Just put your finger tips on each side of your ears now and make the explosion gesture because I’m about to blow your mind. In lieu of getting 3rd degree burns from a skillet, here is how to cook it in your oven; I shit you not.

  1. Grab a package (or five) of bacon, any bacon, it’s bacon for cryin’ out loud! BACON, BACON, BACON!
  2. Preheat the oven to about 375-400 ish. I don’t think I have ever waited for the oven to completely warm up. You?
  3. Line a cookie sheet with foil. Other cooking vehicles have worked too when we are cooking 3 packs at a time.
  4. Lay out each piece of bacon on the foiled cookie sheet. The pieces can be touching, just not overlapping.
  5. Cook for about 12-15 minutes depending on your desired crispiness.
  6. Lay those delicious nuggets on a paper towel and top with another paper towel to blot the grease….or not.
  7. Sneak 1/2 to 3 pieces into your mouth when no one is looking.
  8. Devour.

So am I a true cooking idiot? Did everyone know this method of cooking bacon already? If you try it, I would love to know if you liked it.

P.S. Our bacon band-aids

easiest way to make bacon
It has medicinal properties too…..

 

 

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