Pop Culture · Ridiculousness

Why You Should Play the Lottery

Ok, I wasn’t going to play the lottery but now I am. I love looking at the statistics like: you are more likely to visit the ER for a Pogo stick related injury or becoming president then winning the lottery.

But then I found this blog from 2014 that although it too had those stats (like a shark attack), there was this tiny glimmer of hope. Here it is in case you want to read it: 24 Things That Are More Likely To Happen Then Winning the Lottery

If you choose not to read it, I’ll sum it up: You being born was less likely then winning the lottery. Pretty cool right? Again, take a look at the link, it’s pretty entertaining.

Also, since praying to win the lottery hasn’t worked in the past I’m on to new methods: statistics. I’ve been scouring the web for mathematical equations, balls likely chosen and probably 5 other ways that won’t get me any closer to the lucky numbers. Having read this to myself just now, solidifies my hot mess status. Jesus.

Anyway, I play the lottery probably twice a year. I HATE the process because I don’t know the process. When I ask the gas station attendant for assistance, he/she suddenly becomes that arrogant IT co-worker who looks at you like you are a complete neanderthal for not knowing why your entire screen somehow was turned upside down. Beep, bop, boop he fixes it allowing the silence to make you feel like an idiot.

So here is the semi-annual exchange at Speedway:

“I want to play the lottery,” I say giving him my debit card.

“It’s cash only,” he says.

“Oh, sorry,” I say embarrassed and present a dollar bill.

“It’s $2,” he says now frustrated.

‘Oh Lord, he is gonna’ love my next question. You know what? Fuck it. It shouldn’t be a crime to not know how to play,’ I think, now agitated with his agitation.

“Um…how many numbers do I pick and where do I go?”

There is usually a line of 2 to 3 people behind me now. There are 3 other cash registers and 3 other associates wiping down the slurpy machine or filling the hot dog cooker but hey, why inconvenience them?

I would tell you the rest of the story but I don’t remember the rest of the story because I don’t know how to play the lottery. Perhaps I’ll update this after I go through the train wreck of purchasing a lottery ticket. Good luck all!

P.S.

FUCK! I didn’t win the lotto. Guess I will have to rely on my blog. Good night!

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