Pop Culture · Ridiculousness · Work

Travel Etiquette of the Oblivious

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De-icing my plane Thursday. Always a comforting site.

I’ve traveled a lot over the past 15 years for work and run into oblivious travelers every time. It’s not even a question of being an inexperienced traveler that makes them oblivious, it’s that they lack common sense and/or the rules of the game. Below is a lesson in travel idiocy.

Do not walk swiftly in the airport only to stop mid-stride. You can do this in the Augusta, Ga airport where it resembles a nursing home and probably sees 100 flyers a day. Don’t stop in La Guardia because you forgot to buy gum in the gift shop; you’ll be mowed over.

When in doubt, take it all off! I hate the security check point. Not only do you stand in a line that resembles a roller coaster line, but once you get up to the bins, you have to wait for the oblivious traveler to use a bin for every single article they packed. Next, they suddenly realize that you have to take your shoes off and sometimes even get pissy with the TSA. This isn’t a new rule ass hole. Wolf Blitzer didn’t just break into the Democratic debate announcing all airports will immediately request shoe removal at security checkpoints.

With a few exceptions, most TSA folks are good humored for having this job. There are 3 jobs I would never take: Telemarketer, School Bus Driver and TSA would be my third. From time to time you get the random TSA ass hole. I noticed they are usually the ones checking your ticket and looking at your license like “you weigh more than that”. Yesterday, I had a TSA ass hole. She looked as if she was at that point in her life of either choosing to remain Amish or live in “the English world”. Apparently I was 1/8″ too close to her for the facial screening. With her blue glove, she shewed me back. I was even mindful of this before I stepped forward as she had done the exact same thing to a girl in front of me.

Don’t be the tool that stands first in the boarding line because you have a Platinum-Gold-Infused with Baby Laughter-Frequent Flyer Card. I’m really surprised by these travelers as they travel the most yet spastically jump up when Linda “extends a special welcome” to them. If there is first class on your flight they will be sitting there and it’s 99% comprised of middle-aged white men in Dockers. I like to “accidentally” have my laptop bag slap them in the face on my way to steerage.

A steamer trunk is not carry-on luggage. I don’t know if the flight attendants are just dead inside and choose not to say anything but don’t be a jerk by taking all the overhead compartment space with what you know should have been checked. I gasp at some of the luggage people take on a flight. Fucking check that bag.

Just because you brought nothing with you to entertain yourself does not qualify me as your in flight entertainment. This bothers me more than anything else. I don’t want to talk to you. I probably have coffee breath, I usually can’t hear you and this is my “quiet time” to focus on reading or writing in lieu of worrying about a dirty house or errands. I once had an old man that just wouldn’t quit. After 45 minutes, I slammed my book shut in defeat (this was pre-tablet and earbud days) and just said “tell me everything Joseph, I want to hear all about your life”. Completely oblivious, he did just that….for the next hour.

Not tipping the travel industry! I hate when I see business travelers not tip the 40 lb, 70 year old that just off loaded your steamer trunk from the rental car shuttle. Jesus. It’s not even your money. I have a per diem, even if I don’t, I still fish out a few bucks to tip these guys. I also tip if I forget a toiletry and they bring it to my hotel room. Hell, I even tip for room service even when there is already a 20% delivery fee. The added benefit is you become known as a tipper and service magically gets better.

I know I probably missed a million other oblivious travel faux pas. So what do you see out there? Are there any that you can’t stand?

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2 thoughts on “Travel Etiquette of the Oblivious

  1. The single worst travel experience I ever had was being seated next to the bathroom. It was one that was in the middle of the plane. It was disgusting. Between the “air freshener” and the other smells, I pretty much just sat there with my shirt over my nose the whole time gagging. Awful! I still shutter when I think about it.

    Liked by 1 person

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