Ridiculousness

Possible Pervert Visits my Garage Sale

So this is the second half of my garage sale chapter in one of my books.

The day dragged on and on. A half hour later, a tall, white haired man drove up in a minivan. From what I could tell, he looked about 80. He was at the threshold of my driveway when we made eye contact.

“Hi, how are you?” I asked.

No response.

Good talk.

He went straight into my garage with a mission. One minute later he reappeared with a pair of my black velour, high heel slippers. The slippers were a sample I had received for free, having worked for a slipper company. The normal, ridiculous price was $80. I marked them for a $1.

“What size are these?” he asked.

“8”

“I’m hard of hearing, can you come closer?”

Now I felt like an ass hole having been frustrated he didn’t respond to my earlier salutation.

“I’m sorry,”I said.

“No, no, that’s all right. Can you do me a favor?”

“Sure”, I said.

“Can you put these on?”

I anticipated a justification from him as to why I needed to model the shoes but it never came.

“Sure, but please ignore my toes. I need a manicure”, I said.

“Oh don’t you worry about that”, he responded dragging the word that out to sound trashy.

I put the heels on and stood there for a few seconds becoming increasingly uncomfortable. A tiny voice in my head began to chant ‘perv, perv, perv’.

“That looks good. And these were yours, right?”

“Yes.”

“Ok, I’ll take’em. Do you have any other women’s clothing?”

“Um, yes” I responded as I walked back up on the porch to retrieve my flip flops. I motioned for him to follow me into the garage. I honestly didn’t have a lot of women’s clothing but have always been good at selling things to men they really don’t need. After all, I did have an identical pair of the slippers he liked but in pink.

“I have this pair of jeans”, ‘I am never going to fit in again’ I thought.

“Oh and I have the same slippers you like but in pink”. I picked them up to show him. Again he inquired, “and these were yours?”

Now he was creeping me out. I made a mental check that A. he was too old to subdue me and b. my husband was within yelling distance.

“What about lady’s undergarments?” He asked.

Suddenly I regretted putting the 4 Victoria Secret bras in the garage sale. I knew where he was going with this and I didn’t like it one bit. When I was pregnant, I managed to get 36 C’s. Because irony is a comedian, they retracted back to their mediocre B cup 6 months later. I had no need for these bras. 2 bras were beautiful with lace detail while 2 looked like Cross Your Heart brand. I hadn’t actually paid for any of them. I was part of a wear test program when I worked at Express. The benefit of testing was the free swag such as these bras.

‘Well, let’s get this over with’, I thought.

“I have these 4 bras,” I said uncomfortably as I picked them up.

He began to rub the material of the black lacy one between his fingers. He didn’t say anything while doing it until he asked “was this yours?”

I put my head down in defeat, sighed and muttered “yes”.

“I’ll take them then,” he said grabbing the other white lacy bra and placing it on top of the black one. I was prepared to run should he begin to sniff them.

I quickly went around him and out of the garage where witnesses would see me. “That will be 4 dollars,” I said as I grabbed a Kroger bag and shoved his new/old lingerie in it.

“Here is 5,” he said, “keep a dollar for the smile” he said with a wink, turned 45 degrees and walked towards his car.

What was I thinking putting lingerie in a garage sale? I had an extra vibrator I never used, I should have thrown that in next to the bras. Lord knows that hot mess would have probably bought it.

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “Possible Pervert Visits my Garage Sale

  1. well written!!!! I read once in the local paper about a guy at a garage sale. he kept following around this little girl with a pony tail. finally he got within range and began stroking her hair– yeech— he had some hair fettish— yeeech—-You should have been carrying a weapon!!

    Like

  2. I know I should be offended on behalf of all womanhood but OMG, I am laughing so hard! When you get to my age you will be delighted at 80 year perverts feeling up your old lingerie. I work with a foot fetishist but I am deeply offended that he hasn’t asked me to remove my shoes. He likes toe cleavage…and qualifies for AARP.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. that is a great taste of your book …. I was laughing and cringing and in truth giving the occasional most unladylike snort. Vive le pervert … but possibly not in your garage 🙂

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s