Pop Culture · Ridiculousness · Work

Corporate Phrases Your Tired of Hearing-Part 2

What a shitty day at work. I won’t go into why  but  I will be having wine later, lots of wine and intend to write and post about it. I’m at my wits end, I’ll tell you that much.

Tonight

The minute dinner was over, I announced the following to my 2 sons,

“Boys! We will be doing 2 activities this evening to help mommy unwind. We will be coloring, then we will be hitting the punching bag in the basement. P, grab my gloves!”

“Why are we hitting the punching bag mommy?” C asked.

I bent down and in the most serious tone while looking at him like a crazy person stated, “because mommy is a disgruntled employee and we might even give that punching bag a name tonight.”

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Do you like my pink boxing gloves?

As we continue in part 2 of this 3 part series of corporate phrases, it was clear to me that after the response and likes, that horrible corporate phrases is an epidemic affecting the entire population

So chart #2 contains corporate terms that cover areas such as communication and how shit is organized.

corp term deux 1.21.16corp term trois

My personal favorites?

Can you speak to _____. This is said when they are not asking you to get with a human but about a project. Why can’t they just say “Can you talk about the Houston Galleria project”. It’s as if a man named Thurston woke up one day and thought, ‘I will no longer speak like the peasants that work for me. From now on I will speak to a project, not talk about it’.

I don’t have the bandwidth. Bandwidth? You’re not a computer just because you wear a blue tooth.

Partner. This is used all the time yet bothers me the most and I don’t know why. This isn’t a hoedown. I won’t partner with you but I’ll work with you.

And lastly, I do want to call out an awesome phrase I have never heard of until today, posted by girlygeekgirl…….

Tool: I ask that you please appoint a delegate if your attendance is unlikely.

Translation: We both know some of y’all are too important for this meeting, but my boss made me invite you anyway, so send one of your lackeys, k?

Sheer brilliance.

 

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