Pop Culture · Ridiculousness

E.L. James’s E-mail to Me

So occasionally on every other night, I will have a few glasses of wine. After 2 I begin to get brave and e-mail/post a bit freer than sober hot mess would. Below are 2 instances that are funny now that I look back on it. Let me preface this by saying I AM NOT CRAZY.

Instance 1

Veronica Roth- Author of Divergent (Spoiler alert ahead!)

I have had a long commute now for a few years. To combat the commute I signed up for Audible.com. Audible.com is beyond awesome because it is someone reading you stories while you drive. As immature as this sounds, I love that the actor/actress portrays each character in a different voice to make the story more believable.

I started listening to Divergent by Veronica Roth. I fell in love with the Divergent series. I was rooting for Tris and Four. I darted through books 1 and 2 with ease. Couldn’t wait till book 3 to seal the deal like Katniss and Peta. Then the shit hit the fan. Veronica Roth killed off Tris. This was the first and only time I cried from reading a book.


I began to search for alternate endings online. I found articles like “Will Hollywood Develop a Different Ending?” or “Fans Not Happy.”

‘Some up-and-coming author has to have an alternate ending,’ I thought. And they did but they were pretty awful and didn’t satisfy my appetite. I was now officially pissed.

One night, I had the bright idea to put the following image and caption on Veronica Roth’s Facebook page:

misery Kathy Bates

Too young to know the movie Misery? Click here: Misery

Obviously the next morning when I realized what I had done, I took it down. I was not a psycho.

Instance 2

I fucking love 50 Shades of Grey. There I said it. I have read each book 3 times. I don’t care if people say “it was poorly written.” This isn’t Shakespeare folks. I don’t want to come out of this a smarter person.

I am a proponent that if you had a good experience somewhere, with something or with someone, you let them know. It’s a nice little treat to get positive feedback. So one night, I let E.L. James know how much I enjoyed her books. She was kind enough to respond back. Here is the e-mail:

e.l. james


“Hey lady?” What the hell was I thinking?


12 thoughts on “E.L. James’s E-mail to Me

  1. You have just ruined Divergent for me…thanks! I watched the 50 shades movie on a plane which was a tad embarrassing but couldn’t get past her prose to read the books. No criticism though – I snaffle up People or US at the grocery store just to see what someone looks like without makeup.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You love AUDIO BOOKS???!!! I thought I was the only one in the world who liked audio books! No one I know in real life likes audio books … they all look at me like I’m some freaky weirdo.

    Never read the Shades of Grey books, but saw the movie and had such low expectations going in, that I actually really liked the movie. I’m sure the audio book was better! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I didn’t even finish Grey. I was frustrated as it was basically a reincarnation of her existing book. I’m sure some folks love the back stories but I just want to throw myself on the ground in an adult temper tantrum yelling “we’ve done this already!”

      Yes, I do love audio books. A lot of people say to me, “That is just weird. I don’t want someone reading me a story.” I respond with “What? Do you think Mr. Rogers is knocking at my door with a book in his hand, ready to tuck me in and tell me a story? Amazon bought the company for 300 million in 98′, obviously it’s not weird.” I suggest Chelsea Handler’s 3 most recent books. I never found her funny on her show but her books are laugh till you cry material.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Listened to the “Dear Vodka, it’s Me Chelsea” (or something like that) audio CD a couple years ago. Loved it. Just finished the 4 shows on Netflix w/ Chelsea — liked those too.

        The thing about audio books for me is THE READER. If the reader is boring, pretentious or goes too-gawd-damn fast, then I can’t finish listening.

        I’m sure you’ll get that being another audiophile. Nice to meet you fellow book listener! And no, we aren’t weird!

        Liked by 1 person

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