Family · Ridiculousness

Hot Mess Sister Goes to Jail For Not Peeing Part 2

So we left the story off of my sister going back to jail: Hot Mess Sister Goes to Jail for Not Peeing

I didn’t have much time when I was writing the 1st part and I didn’t want to sacrifice the integrity of the phone call I had with my mother, having not spoken to her in 8 years. Again, I was NOT prepared to talk to her and having been thrown completely off guard pissed me off.

In lieu of reminiscing over years gone by and apologies, I picked up as if I had spoken to her a day ago.

“So what did G do to violate her probation?” I asked as if I asked my sons why they didn’t unload the dishwasher.

“Well you see,” my mother started like a professor, ” when you are tested, you have to squat in front of a female officer. They have to watch you pee. G has had real issues with this. After 30 minutes, they wrote her up for not being able to pee.”

G being too timid to pee in front of someone was ridiculous. This wasn’t her first rodeo. Hell, it wasn’t even her 9th. I wanted to remind my mother that she once worked as a phone sex operator and has lived a pretty open life.

“Yeah but G is not the only person on Earth to be on probation.” I said. “She could have peed if she tried.”

“I don’t know,” my mother said indifferently. This was code for I’m done talking about it and wish to change the subject. “I’m just telling you what she told me.”

Then she continued on to another topic that was equally frustrating.

“I must say, your sister did win that $75,000 settlement from the rape case and bought me a diamond tennis bracelet. She got mad at me though for getting mad at her for blowing all the cash in just 2 months.”

“She bought you a bracelet?” I asked rolling my eyes.

“Yeah. Said it was for stealing my jewelry over the years and pawning all of it.”

I couldn’t believe either one of these people’s logic. As my cousin pointed out to me later that night, rape cases aren’t settled like civil matters. It’s not a “Hey you, sorry about the rape thing. My bad. Lemme give you some money to make it all go away.” I guess the Neverland Ranch would be the exception. And I’m not being cold here. My sister has claimed rape on at least 3 separate occasions. Each time finding out she had lied.

The fact that my mother found a diamond tennis bracelet (probably stolen) as an acceptable sorry gift for the thousands G has stolen from her is ludicrous. I nicknamed my mother Mr. T because of all the diamonds and gold she wore. Couple that with the 3D, Eighties sweatshirts and she was complete train wreck.

In addition to all that my sister had stolen, when G isn’t vacationing off the coast of the County Women’s Prison,  you’ll find her plopped on my mother’s sofa, catching up on Days of Our Lives.

The last straw came in the following declaration, “I’m just done. I can’t do this anymore. I’m too old for this. I mean, I’ve lost so many relationships over G, Charlie, the guy with the yacht, it’s been hard.”

I’m so glad she remembered to mention Charlie, the man she broke up with years ago after finding on his computer. Charlie would later marry a Russian, divorce her and start dating my mother again. That’s a whole other story.

At no point did my mother mention my sister or me nor her 2 grandsons. Additionally she failed to mention the regret she obviously didn’t feel for having never met her now 7 year old grandson.

I wanted to hang up on her at this point as it was like talking with a tweener.

“Mom, I gotta go.”

“Wait, before you go, how are the boys?” She asked in a sing song voice.

Attempting to break away as quick as I could and still shocked, I seemed to be quoting a tampon commercial.

“Sporty. They’re sporty. Fun and smart. Yep, so smart.”

So I have had absolutely no time to research more things about my sister. I need to call and see if it’s public record as to why she violated her probation. Anyone out there have a black sheep in the family and have experience about the whole pee in the cup thing? Would love to get your take on it.


9 thoughts on “Hot Mess Sister Goes to Jail For Not Peeing Part 2

  1. Interesting… I would think that probation violation would be public record as it seems all police activities are. (??) As for peeing… I’m kinda with you… why wouldn’t they have waited until she could pee?! Hmmmm, can’t wait to hear how this turns out eventually!! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I was thinking that there was no way that excuse was truthful. But out of major curiosity, I googled it, and it turns out – it’s a thing. If you can’t urinate within a reasonable amount of time, they consider it an intentional choice to not cooperate. Bizarre!

    Liked by 1 person

        1. Well I’m sure from my mother’s perspective she will have been voted Prison President amongst her peers and will have saved many lives in there, all while someone is braiding cornrows into her hair.


            1. After my sister’s first stint in prison, I took her to lunch where I felt was a normal transition from prison life to society: Nordstrom’s Cafe. Despite her declaring she did not have lesbian relations while in the big house, I soon came upon letters that proved otherwise. This will be in my book but I was also thinking about posting some here. I keep them as an ice breaker at dinner parties.

              Liked by 1 person

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