Ridiculousness · Super Hot Mess

My PMS is PMS’ing

I can look back on yesterday and laugh but last night it wasn’t funny AT ALL to me. I was serious and I meant business.

On my way back from getting groceries last night I was flustered, stressed and genuinely a hot mess. I fished around my 8 gallon drum purse to find my phone. I clicked on my Amazon Music app, pressed the microphone and screamed,

“Fight song!”

You know that song that came out last year Fight Song about not giving up and how you have fight in you and blah, blah, blah. Oh I sang it…and I sang it good. At some points when she sang “Cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me!” I was literally talking to the song, “Yes, I do. I still have fight in me!” I wimpe

Who was this cheese ball and what was my problem?  I was loosing my shit yesterday and it was going down in the form of a Lifetime Movie. All day I was tearing up about EVERYTHING.

Chi Chi did her daily piss in the hall? Tears.

People at church holding their hand up for the Lord but really look like a hail Hitler motion. Tears.

Deli taking too long. Tears.

WHAT THE FUCK? Something had to be done and I had to be the change…..tears…..

When I got home I sat my ovaries, lady parts and everything in between down at the table for a come to Jesus moment.

“Listen up you little ass holes,” I wanted them all to know I meant business. “You need to go knock on your little buddy Uterus’s door and tell her to quit being a little bitch and get her ass out of bed so we can get this period thing going. I am a complete basket case singing sensitive (I said this with a lisp) songs in the car and all of this isn’t going to go away until I have my period.”

All of them looked at me like I was the crazy person.

“So I don’t care if you have to entice her with a big ole’ glass of Summer’s Eve or whatever but it’s time to make this period thing happen. Do you copy?”

There were short yet noticeable nods all around the table.

My pep talk must have worked because Uterus came through for me today. Suddenly seeing the garbage can doesn’t make me cry nor am I feeling the urge anymore to watch Beaches.

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