It was once suggested I start a blog because as he put it, “funny always finds me.” ‘A blog?’ I thought. Do people still do that? I put it off and put it off vowing to put everything in my books.
“Books?” you ask.
Yes. I’ve written a few books because I have A LOT of hilarious stories to tell. I am in waiting mode now to actually do something with my stories. In the mean time, I continue to write and learn more and more on how to improve my writing without loosing any of the humor.
I once had an offer from a very old cowboy to help me publish my books. He himself published a book about his love for his wife. Awwww…When I told him my books are funny because they are pretty inappropriate he suddenly narrowed his eyes and sternly asked in a much lower tone,
“Now there isn’t anything racy in there? Like sexual innuendos?”
I debated for a few seconds on how to respond since my writing is completely inappropriate. I decided to take the high road and not ruffle his bible pages.
“No, absolutely not,” I declared. ” Just some cursing because I am quoting someone that cursed,” I said sweetly. It was as if I had never heard a curse word and my virgin ears would fall off should fuck skim them.
His concerned look quickly turned to approval and he handed me his card. 10 minutes later I ripped it up, threw it in the trash and said “fuck that”under my breath.
So where does the hot mess come in to play?
- When I want to see updated photos of my younger sister who resides in Florida, I don’t go to Facebook or Instagram. I google her most recent mug shots.
- My mother lives on a boat that she likes to refer to as her “yacht”. I speculate it’s probably one of those where you lift a cushion up to find a toilet.
- My run ins with now not famous people and how I attempted to communicate with them and feel the pain of stardom.
- My mother is on a constant search for the perfect sugar daddy though I don’t know what you call it when you are the same age as said sugar daddy? Sweet-n-Old?
- My ADD, depression and lastly my recent diagnosis of atypical ductal hyperplasia.
I want to stay anonymous for a little while in an effort to not get fired or piss off peeps I love. Just come visit me often and eventually I will introduce myself.