So occasionally on every other night, I will have a few glasses of wine. After 2 I begin to get brave and e-mail/post a bit freer than sober hot mess would. Below are 2 instances that are funny now that I look back on it. Let me preface this by saying I AM NOT CRAZY.
Instance 1
Veronica Roth- Author of Divergent (Spoiler alert ahead!)
I have had a long commute now for a few years. To combat the commute I signed up for Audible.com. Audible.com is beyond awesome because it is someone reading you stories while you drive. As immature as this sounds, I love that the actor/actress portrays each character in a different voice to make the story more believable.
I started listening to Divergent by Veronica Roth. I fell in love with the Divergent series. I was rooting for Tris and Four. I darted through books 1 and 2 with ease. Couldn’t wait till book 3 to seal the deal like Katniss and Peta. Then the shit hit the fan. Veronica Roth killed off Tris. This was the first and only time I cried from reading a book.
WHAT-THE-FUCK?
I began to search for alternate endings online. I found articles like “Will Hollywood Develop a Different Ending?” or “Fans Not Happy.”
‘Some up-and-coming author has to have an alternate ending,’ I thought. And they did but they were pretty awful and didn’t satisfy my appetite. I was now officially pissed.
One night, I had the bright idea to put the following image and caption on Veronica Roth’s Facebook page:
Too young to know the movie Misery? Click here: Misery
Obviously the next morning when I realized what I had done, I took it down. I was not a psycho.
Instance 2
I fucking love 50 Shades of Grey. There I said it. I have read each book 3 times. I don’t care if people say “it was poorly written.” This isn’t Shakespeare folks. I don’t want to come out of this a smarter person.
I am a proponent that if you had a good experience somewhere, with something or with someone, you let them know. It’s a nice little treat to get positive feedback. So one night, I let E.L. James know how much I enjoyed her books. She was kind enough to respond back. Here is the e-mail:
“Hey lady?” What the hell was I thinking?
hotmessmemoir.com 
That letter was pure awesomeness! I think drunk hot mess is sassy!
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Thank you! I cannot believe I even received a response back. Sure, it was probably from an intern/assistant but it was cool.
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Still super cool!
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You have just ruined Divergent for me…thanks! I watched the 50 shades movie on a plane which was a tad embarrassing but couldn’t get past her prose to read the books. No criticism though – I snaffle up People or US at the grocery store just to see what someone looks like without makeup.
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I pray you are kidding with me on Divergent or that is going to make me feel like a real ass hole. I thought I put “spoiler alert” next to the heading. If I forgot to, I will add it.
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You love AUDIO BOOKS???!!! I thought I was the only one in the world who liked audio books! No one I know in real life likes audio books … they all look at me like I’m some freaky weirdo.
Never read the Shades of Grey books, but saw the movie and had such low expectations going in, that I actually really liked the movie. I’m sure the audio book was better! 😉
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I didn’t even finish Grey. I was frustrated as it was basically a reincarnation of her existing book. I’m sure some folks love the back stories but I just want to throw myself on the ground in an adult temper tantrum yelling “we’ve done this already!”
Yes, I do love audio books. A lot of people say to me, “That is just weird. I don’t want someone reading me a story.” I respond with “What? Do you think Mr. Rogers is knocking at my door with a book in his hand, ready to tuck me in and tell me a story? Amazon bought the company for 300 million in 98′, obviously it’s not weird.” I suggest Chelsea Handler’s 3 most recent books. I never found her funny on her show but her books are laugh till you cry material.
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Listened to the “Dear Vodka, it’s Me Chelsea” (or something like that) audio CD a couple years ago. Loved it. Just finished the 4 shows on Netflix w/ Chelsea — liked those too.
The thing about audio books for me is THE READER. If the reader is boring, pretentious or goes too-gawd-damn fast, then I can’t finish listening.
I’m sure you’ll get that being another audiophile. Nice to meet you fellow book listener! And no, we aren’t weird!
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Oh God, the chapter “Regift” is my favorite. I’ve listened to that at least 4 times.
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PS: “Hey Lady” is funny! 😉
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… but maybe you should have capitalized the “L” in lady though … just a grammar thought.
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I was lucky to spell my name properly that night. 🙂
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