Family · Ridiculousness

Questions For My Husband Regarding Mealtime

Being that it’s Sunday many families gather around the table for just 1 special meal together. Growing up, it was an event since my father owned a restaurant and was a great cook. Often we were allowed to invite friends over for dinner. The invitees were always excited for the prospect of sampling my father’s food and probably more so because he allowed a Jr. Miss glass of wine with it.

I get home after my husband so he starts dinner. Below are 3 images and the questions I would like to ask to understand his thought process and why he did it:

CAN IN THE SINK

can in the sink....nice

I’m sorry but are we reusing the coke can as a container for future beverages?

Is this something ironic? Like a hipster thing?

Is this like when people bought mason jars to drink wine out of to feel rustic?

SETTING OF THE TABLE

Look, I’m not looking for Downton Abbey where they’re measuring spoon 1, fork 1, fork 2, fork 3, knife and spoon 2 perfectly against the edge of the table but I would expect something more than this:

setting of the table

Who is the lucky one that gets to use the 1 napkin….excuse me….paper towel?

Were you drunk when you attempted to set the forks next to the plates?

Piggy backing on question 1, who gets to use the 1 knife you set in the middle of the table? Is there a reason you are hiding the other 11 knives? Perhaps we could pass it around and take turns cutting our main course.

Really, you went all out in care and love for this table. This is worthy of a table at the Whitehouse.

THE UNRINSED PLATE

the unrinsed plate

I know there is someone out there right now that feels my pain on this one. Why the hell is it so hard to rinse a plate? Forget the fact you failed to transfer the plate over to the dishwasher but don’t exclaim “the dishwasher isn’t working” when you pull said dish out of a cycle and wing ding sauce is still on it.

And we just got a new dishwasher last year and it’s awesome but there aren’t chisels and acid in there that can take EVERYTHING off. You have to rinse the plates. I’m sure you are trying to conserve a little water but don’t worry, Al Gore will forgive you.

I mean, I could cook a filet, have candles and a tablecloth on the beautifully set table, come down the next morning because my husband would “clean up” and I would find the above in the sink; maybe even the Coke can. It’s enough to make you batty.

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29 thoughts on “Questions For My Husband Regarding Mealtime

  1. Oh jeez, did he say he was going to ‘clean up’ and then leave that stuff there? That would piss me off haha. Recyclables get stacked in our sink, too. Even though it’s literally 10 feet to open the door to the garage and throw it in there. The bin is right by the door. You don’t even have to go into the garage! Drives me insane. Men…..

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  2. That table though. I am in awe.
    Do you think he tossed all the forks on the table from across the room?
    Maybe that’s why the knife is in the middle. Or maybe the rest of the knives are on the floor on the other side of the table because he missed.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hahahaha… I have never understood the ‘not rinsing’ thing. It takes 5 seconds and makes a huge difference! Why let that crap dry up and stick? Painful. And my husband is the opposite on cans and other containers – he throws everything in the trash, never recycles. I’m no earth hugger (sorry Al), but I try to recycle what I can!

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    1. We started to recycle then my husband began to use the recycling bin as a yard bin to hold all lawn stuff and I just haven’t made my way over to dump it all out to begin putting recycled stuff in there. Good for you for recycling! I don’t think it’s tree hugging at all.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. My dad used to do the one-knife thing when I was growing up. The thought process was that we could take turns using it to butter our bread, so voila – only one knife gets dirty! It MIGHT have made some sense if we’d had to hand-wash our dishes. But we definitely had a dishwasher, and I’m pretty sure it didn’t mind how many knives were in there…

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    1. That reminds me; did you ever have that gigantic tub of butter where everyone dipped their knives into the butter for their rolls, toast, potato or anything else thus leaving small little remnants of whatever the meal was? So disgusting. Please tell me your family didn’t have 25 people in it? That would be a long wait for the community knife. 🙂

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      1. Ha! The community knife & butter were only shared between 4 people, thankfully! I think he figured it was okay because we don’t put the knives in our mouths, so no germs are really transferred. That’s Dads for you…and apparently, husbands 🙂

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  5. THE CAN IN THE SINK:
    He was too weak to crush it and throw it away. You’re obviously the strong one in the relationship, so it’s been left for you to take care of. He may have also had soda residue on his hands and didn’t want to muss up the faucet if he were to rinse it out. Also, the recycle bin in probably full and that one can won’t fit since he’s also too weak to deal with that as well.

    THE KNIFE IN THE CENTER OF THE TABLE:
    Surprise, surprise, you’re about to play “spin the knife” — hope you have your best daredevil antics fine-tuned for this upcoming fun! Be sure to wear layers and layers and layers of clothing in case this is one of those times where you have to remove an article of clothing each time the knife comes your way! If there is anyone with an uggie body, you may want to forewarn them ahead of time too so you won’t have to stair at any hairy-mole covered fuppa all night long. Just sayin’!

    THE ONE NAPKIN: This my dear is a compliment to you and your guests … the napkin or as you’ve correctly identified it as a “paper towel” is for messy ol’ hubby buns! He knows he’s the slob here and it’s for him. Gotta commend him for knowing his weaknesses!

    FORKS ON THE RIGHT SIDE: Hubby must KNOW that everyone is right-handed, doing a proper person assessment before setting the table. He wants convenience and efficiency like no reaching over his or her plate to get that fork when it’s right near all the right-handed people! Also, he knows that everyone at the table has fat hands and huge fingers so that putting the fork so close to the plate presents challenges to getting the fork up and away from the plate; he left plenty of space. What a thoughtful thinker and planner this man is! Incredible foresight! … Or maybe FORKsight! 😉

    THE UNRINSED PLATE IN THE SINK: Like the soda can above, hubby may have had pasta sauce residue all over his hands and again didn’t want to muss up the faucet because he probably had to use the paper towel to cover his big hairy bear nether region after being embarrassed at losing the “spine the knife” game. I think you should place the dish in the dishwasher “as is” and however clean it gets is however clean it gets. If it still has red perma-barnacles after washing, then tell dear hubby that that is HIS plate. It’s marked especially for him! Now he will know which is his plate forever — his own personal one!

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    1. Woooaaahhh…..slow down there with the can crushing. I have a better chance of seeing a unicorn in my lifetime before I see him crush cans.HA! I was thinking the exact same thing with spin the knife. I thought it looked like spin the knife. Perhaps I should invent his and hers table goods and keep it separate??? Love the forksight!

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  6. wow- just realized how far my husband had advanced with his brain washing techniques because I was just thrilled that you could see the bottom of your sink! I found spaghetti sauce splattered on my ceiling before I broke down sobbing, “fine, fine you win. I’ll do meal prep from now on” The only time I allow him in the kitchen is after he’s poured me some wine to dull the PTSD symptoms because I’m pretty sure he doesn’t consider dinner done, until he’s used EVERY pot and pan in the kitchen.

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  7. The can thing I can’t even begin to explain, but the table… he’s doing that on purpose so you won’t ask him anymore to set the table. (“If you want something done properly, you have to do it yourself.”) Ask me how I know. Nevermind, I’ll tell you anyway… this is my husband’s trick when he doesn’t want to do the assigned task… he even told me so. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  8. When reading this post, I first thought, why get upset about such unimportant facts of domestic live. It isn’t really worth the trouble. Until I remembered the socks and underwear, I pick up every day, right from the floor in front of the basket we keep used clothes for washing in. And every day I think “how difficult can it be to lift the basket lid and put the items inside?”, so, I’m with you, after all…. 🙂

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    1. See….I’m not crazy! My husband does that too. I think to myself ‘the hamper was RIGHT THERE’. You would have exerted only .000012 more of 1 calorie by lifting your arm up ever so slightly to achieve the basket.

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  9. Yes it is. My deal with my husband was…he cooks, I clean up. It worked until he died. His last question to me was, “who is going to feed you?” He’s been gone for 12 years, I’ve gained weight, eat a lot of cheese and crackers, and keep the kitchen fairly clean. But I do miss his cooking.

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